Here we are again-

So, again, mis padres are fighting, you know by now the usual. Anyways, for the most part, I try to stay out of that. I have been feeling not so well lately. I mean, I have been having insomnia; I go to bed at 11 and don't fall asleep until after 2...

I often question if my friends are even truly my friends, because they sure don't act like it sometimes. For example, "let's hangout this weekend..." then they go over to someone else's house, but whatever. I am really just having trouble myself. I mean, I feel so selfish sometimes... Like its all about me. I dislike helping people I don't know, and I don't know why. I feel so hypocritical, and yet I am supposed to be a Christian. On top of this, if I go to heaven, I am not fond of leaving my friends all behind. I mean... they just don't want to know, they make excuses not to go to chruch, with me or by themselves.

I would also like to get involved with my church's youth group, but everytime I go I don't talk to anyone and I just feel apart from everyone else. Their events are also so expensive, normally. I really, really would like to hang out with Chirstians my age too, but to find some that I can actually talk to is just sometimes so hard. Scrath that, also is so hard, and I don't fell up to it. I try but.... I am just not let in. I only make friends through my friends, it seems, or if someone talks to me first. I just wish they, at my church, was actually more.... acceptive. I think I saw someone I actually beat in a tennis match before, so maybe, if it was him, and I play against him this year, I can ask if it is him, and that might help.... that chances of this is more then slim though. Ah, I regress.... Please pray for me and my friends who don't know God, who won't even get near him. I know there are plenty out there who feel worse then me, but I just can't push my feelings aside any longer...

-At the end of this road...